Some elect ladies

Dear Ben,

I do appreciate your invitation to begin some dialogue. I've been thinking today about Traci's mom, Mary Hall. Traci called this morning and in tears told me that they had rushed her mom to the hospital with chest pains. I've thought, as I've reflected on Mary Hall, that in many ways, she is the woman I wish I were. I think of my sweet mother in the same terms. Mary and Jennie are very different, but both are marvels.

I think of Mary first and foremost as a care-giver. As long as I have known her she has cared for her mother with tender, patient and consistent attention. Today "Hazel" is extremely frail and dependent. Mary feeds her, spoon by spoon, bathes her, manicures her, dresses her, fixes her hair and gently kisses her. Where did she learn to give such loving, patient care? She gives the same care to Great Grandma Hall and to her own children and grandchildren. Her attention to others seems to know no limits. Her time belongs to others and she's always joyful.

I guess one reason I have thought so much about the example of Mary Hall is that I had the opportunity to care for my mother-in-law during her last days. Ben was a toddler and Jim was four. I had no idea what was best to do and there seemed to be no help. How I wish I had that opportunity again, knowing the little that I know now. We tried our best to make Grandma Blair comfortable. We had no idea that she was dying. I'm grateful for knowledge of people like Jen and others and for places we can go for help. I hope that I can have the blessing of being a care-giver. I have so much to learn. Wish I knew then what Mary Hall seems to have always known.

I'm sure my mother would have been happy to give such attention and care, had there been a need. There wasn't. But I certainly watched the tender care my parent received, especially from Jeanne. I worry about myself being awkward and frustrated and not gentle enough. The thing I mostly don't want to be is jealous of my time. There really isn't anything more important than helping others and being there for them. I'm grateful for the unselfish attention I've received from our family and extended family during my foray with disability. I appreciate the regular calls and visits and the assurance that I was never alone. I want to be supportive to each of you all the time and especially at times of need.

It was fun to be in the rehab center with Marva Weaver and Bea Payne, whom I'd known for years in the Oak Hills 2nd Ward. The Weaver family is amazing and amazingly supportive and fun loving. Bea's daughter, Shirley, has huge responsibilities with an ailing husband. Bea's sisters would come and play cards with her. Other women in the center were examplary and patient and thoughtful. They all were much worse off than I. It's very interesting to find oneself in a situation of confinement.

I was excited to be able to come home for visits during my time in the care center. My first visit I sat and watched a football game with my husband. That was easy and BYU won. But during my next visit I looked at what needed to be done and was depressed by the reality that I was pretty useless! I couldn't pick up, fold up, hang up, wipe up, clean up---the things moms do all the time! I could however, sit---at the computer, in front of the TV, in front of a mirror, at the table, in the bedroom, in the living room and in the car. I could be wheeled in a wheel-chair. What a life!

Well, this has gone on long enough. I've learned some good lessons. I've made some sad mistakes. I want to press forward.

love from mom Blair